Win a Refrigerator Magnet!in our new What Would Sarah Do? contest! What Would Sarah Do?The Department of Homeland Decency is so excited about the possibility of Sarah Palin becoming VP that we have created a contest that envisions her first days in office. What happens if McCain and Palin win? What would Sarah do? Contestants need only select what they think Sarah would do in a variety of situations. Those closest to what we believe fits with her beliefs, style and general decency will win some of our popular refrigerator magnets! Enter today and be part of this historic occasion! Click here to go directly to the contest!
What Would Sarah Say?The Department of Homeland Decency is extremely proud to be offering a brand new contest: What would Sarah say? Contestants only need to complete a Sarah Palin sentence. Those who come closest to displaying their understanding of the decency of Sarah Palin by how they complete the sentence will be the winners! And there will be new winners regularly! Click here to go directly to the contest! (But hurry! The "What Would Sarah Say?" contest closes at midnight Oct. 18!) The PrizesWhat can you win? . . .A REFRIGERATOR MAGNET from the Department of Homeland Decency's "Decent Home Collectibles!"Be the first in your crowd to have one of our many fine refrigerator magnets:  
With these or any of our other magnets on your refrigerator door, everytime you or one of your loved ones needs a snack, they will also receive an uplifting and stirring message that builds decency in the Homeland! To prepare yourself for this contest, buy the Decency Manual (available at decent bookstores everywhere) and study it. Absorb it into your life so you can be as decent as Sarah. Then you will be prepared to go to our contest site and Complete Sarah's Sentences!! What you might have to know:Why should sex always result in pregnancy? Are vegans terrorists? Is the Bible a good science textbook? How would Sarah destroy a Dixie Chicks' CD so it can never be heard again? And always remember Sarah's favorite quote from the Decency Manual: "Words lead to ideas, which are the saplings of indecency. Pretty soon you have a forest that needs to be burned to the ground." (And when an Alaskan talks about burning a forest, you know they know what they are talking about!) We will select winners from those who get the most correct answers. In case of ties, we will select the winners from those who wrote the best comments about decency. Enter today! We are prepared to send out dozens of these refrigerator magnets that will someday be valuable collectibles! But be very careful. If you get too many things wrong, we might wonder about your general decency. So study the manual before taking the test. That way, you will have nothing to fear. |
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Good News of the day!Chuck Norris to pen new book "Black Belt Patriotism"! Bad News of the Day!He doesn't beat up any liberals, atheists, college professors, humanists, gays or Hilllary supporters in it. Tip of the Day!Buy the book and carry it everywhere. Chuck knows who his friends are; he has never kicked anyone carrying his book! Good News of the Day!Republicans keep oil companies' profits safe from Democrats' taxes! Bad News of the Day!Liberal media smear Republican efforts. Tip of the Day:Invest in Big Oil and have the last laugh on them! Good News of the day!McCain beats up on the New York Times! Bad News of the Day!No one cares, because it's the Times. Tip of the Day!If you have a neighbor who spends all Sunday reading the Times, let us know! Good News of the Day!The President's new budget cuts funding for public broadcasting in half! Bad News of the Day!It's the president's last year in office. Tip of the Day:Report any neighbor who you think likes Bill Moyers and we'll take it from there! Good News of the Day!President of France marries his consort and makes her an honest woman! Bad News of the Day!Kids read about the President of France and ask questions! Tip of the Day:Cancel your newspaper and watch Fox News' Tips for Decent Parents! Why Decency Rocks!Branson Missouri has many beloved musical acts that rock, many of them still alive! Kids! Do this at home!Set up your own faith-based science fair and make decent friends! The Wisdom of Mrs. FlueShe is the department's temporary volunteer ambassador of decency. Listen to her timely speechette, "The Five Rungs of Decency." |
We are marching proudly backwards to the future. Join us. |
Decency Manual Now Available!Buy the book and be as decent as Sarah Palin,the next Vice President of the Homeland!!
The Department of Homeland Decency
Decency Rules and Regulations Manual Now available at decent book stores in decent neighborhoods everywhere, as well as at Amazon,
Barnes and Noble,
Borders,
Powells,
Majers and Quinn, and Three Rivers Press.
Five reasons the Department of Homeland Decency supports Sarah1. At last: the Patriotic Feminist! The old types of feminists were wordy, intellectual, hairy and hated men, not to mention plain looking and frumpy or worse. But Patriotic Feminists like Sarah hunt moose, and can field dress it, butcher it, carry it home, clean house, set the table, put on makeup, shave their legs, and cook all those moose steaks so dinner is ready by the time her husband and children sit down to dinner. That's Patriotic Feminism and it empowers women everywhere. Patriotic Feminism is decent and wholesome and can be taught to all the next generations of Homelanders! 2.She is married to a man from the rugged frontier of Alaska who understands hard work and real values. He's not going to waste time getting in touch with his feelings or trying to be sensitive. He'll just go out and get things done. And when she needs help, he'll be there to help. Because that's what decent Homeland men do: help out and make sure their women understand things. And when that time of the month comes around and her hormones get a little whacky, he will be there to stabilize things. He's a man the Homeland can trust. 3. She took on the powerful Library Lobby in Wasilla and didn't back down. Librarians tend to obstruct and interfere with decency by buying books about indecent subjects written by those who live indecent lifestyles, which makes libraries very dangerous places for children. Especially the reference Department, where a child can be exposed to “it,” experimental theater, and vegetarianism. But Sarah took that on and risked her political future. That's the kind of guts the Homeland needs now. 4. She's not Hillary. With Sarah in Washington, Hillary won't ever get near the White House again. 5. She is a reformer. She fought corruption and reformed everything in Alaska. She didn't take earmarks and worked hard to bring gas and oil to everyone, which forward-thinking patriots always do. So while everything is falling apart in the lower 48, things are holding together in Alaska. Only the indecent would refuse to accept this as truth! THE DEPARTMENT'S MOTTO"You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide. You have nothing to hide if you have nothing to fear. So fear nothing and you need not hide. Hide nothing and you need not fear."
THE DEPARTMENT'S TIP OF THE DAY"If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck, does 'it' like a duck, votes Green Party, likes Jon Stewart, buys free-range eggs, is childless by choice, and uses a push mower, it is a duck and must be reported." Join us as we marchproudly backwards to the future. And contact us HERE. Tell us who in your neighborhood isn't so decent. We'll take it from there. Decent news for Decent folks!Fox wins Rapture rights!Stock rises on newsIt's now official: God hates the liberal media. That's because Fox won the right to broadcast the Rapture. In a surprise to everyone except decent folk everywhere, Fox now has exclusive rights to the Rapture, including the name, book rights, movie rights, and product tie-ins. Other networks can't even use the word Rapture without mentioning that Fox News. "We went after this because we know Fox is filled with decent, upright, liberal-bashing, true believers and the other networks aren't," a FOX spokesman said. "We want decency to return to the Homeland and to televisions everywhere. That's why Fox has to be the one to broadcast the Rapture. Who wants Anderson Cooper or Keith Olbermann to broadcast it? Maybe a secular humanist pinko Homeland hating college professor!" No one at Fox has explained, however, who might want to watch a telecast of The Rapture if the world truly ends then. Or who would want to read the books, watch the movies, or buy T-shirts and coffee cups with something like "The Rapture brought to you by Fox" written on them. Despite that inherent contradiction, Fox executives are very upbeat, as are Fox stockholders. Fox stock went up 50 percent on news of this upcoming telecast. "We are proud to show this event because we expect it to surpass the combined popularity of the Super Bowl, World Series, Masters Golf Tournament, and Florida 2000 vote count," a Fox spokesman said. "Viewers should be extremely excited about this. Nothing like this has ever been on TV before. Not even The O'Reilly Factor, as important as that show is, could hope to be this big." Exactly when this will be on TV is uncertain. Whether this deal is legal is another stumbling block. Regardless of that, however, Fox wants to broadcast at least one more run of American Idol, so if The Rapture comes a little earlier than TV programming would allow, the the Rapture won't be shown live. |
